O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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