watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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