I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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