I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
