I got chris browned last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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