worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
