Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
