i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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