just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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