I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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