he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
