just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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