I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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