dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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