I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
