i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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