Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
