I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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