I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
