STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just tell him i said nine months
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
