my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
