I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
