Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
