I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
