honey bunches of taint.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
