break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
