ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
