Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
