I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
