tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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