I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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