I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
