ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
do nipples grow back?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
