Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
