can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
