You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
