If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
