So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize