Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
