I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
