I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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