u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
