So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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