i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
