Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
