Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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