I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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