Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
