So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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