Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
