I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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