Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
