Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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