so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
