We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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