I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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